Three

In this second year, I watched the sun rise, a burnt orange ball of warmth and fire. I remember your fire. I think I got most of my fiery anger from you.

I watched the sunrise, watched its rays pierce through clouds, beams of subtle light, like a signal from the sky. The sun then hid behind a cloud, with only a hint of its fire outlining it like a hem to the cloud’s clothing. I watched the sun rise again, turning softer, the fire gone, and what remained was light.

I hold on to that one memory, when despite the confusion of your broken mind and your loss of words, you took my hand, held it gently between your palms, and then you kissed my hand, drawing circles around your mouth. You wanted to speak, but could only utter what sounded like breathy stutter-hiccups. And yet, I understood your love then, but I never took it as a goodbye.

I wonder if you still have your fire from where you are now or whether you now have only retained your warmth. I wonder how you are and whether you both are together, like the birds I watched across the other end of the sky. They were together in flight and they zoomed over me. I looked up, but they were in a mad rush, barely pausing to see me.

I miss you. There is no end to missing you.

(written, April 2023)

On days when I’m not reading books, I’m reading life.

Some days you don’t read books.
You read people.
You read the lines and
what’s not said between conversations.
You read the skies.
You read what surrounds you.
You write the stories of your days.

(written, August 2023)

Weight and Heartbreak

Things that weigh heavy:
sadness, sorrow, longing, grief, loss, gratitude, praise.
Things that break your heart:
sadness, sorrow, longing, grief, loss, kindness, consideration, patience, tolerance, grace.
Weight and heartbreak apply to both sides of life.

(written, January 2024)

This Cross I Carry

It was Holy Week
when you started
losing your memory.
It was Holy Week
when I started
carrying the cross
I did not know how
to put down and bury.

(written, April 2023)

Word-oh #1: FWIW

Of internet slang and its Binisaya translation

In today’s email, a software developer wrote, “FWIW, I am not too concerned about the breadth of the solution.”

The word that stood out could not have been read as fee-weew, we figured, so for lack of internet slang knowledge, we had to rely on Google to reveal what it meant. Apparently, FWIW is a popular internet slang that stands for for what it’s worth.

Writers’ minds do not stop at spelling out acronyms. One had to ask, “Well, what does it mean? How and in what context do we use it?”

According to Google, we use FWIW in the following contexts:

• in emails, when you are giving someone information and you do not know if the information is useful or not
• as a mixture of “in my opinion” and “for your information”
• adds a polite tone to what you’re saying where you try to communicate “You can ignore what I’m going to say, but I think you should hear it anyway.”
• can also be used to inject a snarky, empathetic, or even dismissive tone, depending on sentence context. But as a general rule, any use of “FWIW” that can be replaced with “FYI” has a snarky tone.
• in electronic messages for saying that someone may or may not be interested in what you have to say

The conversation over the term FWIW escalated into wondering whether we, as Filipinos, can fit using the terminology in our context. We thought of its Tagalog equivalent but could not find any.

Of course, as Filipinos who speak Bisaya, we had to challenge ourselves with translating the term in our dialect or thinking of its possible equivalents. Suggestions were:

• Kung ako paistoryahon…
• Ambot lang ninyo ha pero para sa ako…

The curiosity stopped for lack of better ideas.

Well this is just one of those group-curious days at the office where we practice being word-ohs.