Without You

Born from my grief are twins—
Happiness and Longing.

Happiness is the extroverted twin;
Longing the introvert.
Happiness is the Phlegmatic-Sanguine;
Longing the Choleric-Melancholic.

Some days I get oh, so happy
that my heart sings
and my spirit smiles.
But everywhere I go,
this heavy and deep longing follows.
They go hand in hand,
inseparable conjoined twins.

Happiness cheers;
Longing chants your name
like a prayer.
Happiness settles;
Longing never stops
searching for you.

They say a person is a home.
You are mine.
Happiness and Longing,
both are lost.
They search for home.
They search for a mother.
At the end of the day,
can they ever find rest?

Perhaps, it is us—
the ones who are left behind
who need the well wishes
to rest in peace.




You may not yet know what you want,
but you are clear on what you do not want.
That is close enough.
Keep filtering. Keep simplifying.
Let the good come through.


And like the blood moon
so too my heart bleeds
yet still rises
and shows up again and again.

Sometimes, You Can Win

I cannot help but wonder:
Are these small sudden fortunes
an apology,
or a way of consoling me,
of reminding me how I am
looked after and still loved?
Thank you.
Not once have I dared to
be mad at you.
I could not.
But your ways of patching me up,
they are gifts,
small temporary joys
to stitch through a lifetime of
irrecoverable grief and sorrow.
I had to win because I lost.
I lost so much more
than I can ever win again.
I thank you still.

You Learn I

You learn.

To live with pain.
To accept how some things
you cannot change
and most things you will be
left with no other choice
but to go on.
To move. It does not matter how slow
how unsteady your steps
most of the times you stumble
but you move and you keep moving.
To forgive people even when
they do not ask
for your forgiveness
and yes, that includes your self.
To take care of your self
because you know
if not you, who else
would be there?
To let go of people who do not
want anything to do with you.
To be uncaring about
what people think of you
but to be caring about how
you affect people.
To do more than what is
required of you.
To be there and to give
and not expect anything in return.
To show up and keep trying.
To let yourself be loved
but accept that you
cannot be loved
every day in the ways
you want to be loved.
To be more active
by taking duties
and responsibilities
to heart and yes, that includes
people, relationships, this world,
and what’s beyond.
To be better at being on your own
because you know you are
a singular type of person
and you are able
in far more ways
than you can now know.
To give yourself room to breathe.
To cry, suffer, and take the hurt
when you need it most.
To continue to love.
To discover the mysteries of the heart,
its elasticity that does not
seem to have a limit,
its capacity to still be good
in spite of the pain, the heaviness,
the dark, the brokenness.
To reserve moments in every day
to remember, cherish, and honor
the greatest love
and the greatest person you love
never to let anything rob you
of her memory.
To live and breathe and move and still be.

You learn.